The Problem
Why? We ran from pain: the pain of shame, self-hate, and multiple forms of abuse. We lacked self worth and feared intimacy. We tried to connect; we tried to escape. We felt abandoned. We had a need to be in control and have power over others. We had a void that could not be filled with fantasy, sex, or lust. We learned to numb our feelings and to cope with our inadequacies by reaching out for a cure that would ultimately destroy us. This defined our belief system in a way that was not in line with God’s plan for sexuality. Spiritually, we were bankrupt.
How did we get here? Sexual addiction is progressive. What started as a little flirtation or a “curiosity”, the line we chose to cross, set us into motion for the next line we chose to cross. We told ourselves that the next sexual act would be better and more lasting, but it never was. Eventually, our behaviors resulted in losing relationships, our marriages, jobs, material possessions, and, in some cases, our children. For many, the risks of sexually transmitted diseases (STD) are now a reality. And finally, we hit a bottom.
As women, sexual addiction is unique. Our behavior ranged from sex with self, phone sex, cyber sex, and pornography. We engaged in promiscuity, illicit relationships, and adultery. Some of us participated in exotic dancing, escort services and prostitution. We used our bodies, intentionally dressed provocatively and performed for others, creating an illusion that gave us a false sense of self worth. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, and the forbidden. We jeopardized our relationships, jobs, morals and values; we even neglected our children. All the while, we rationalized our sexual behaviors. As we lived a double-life, we became disconnected from reality, making true intimacy with another impossible. We carried this behavior from relationship to relationship and even into our marriages.
The Solution
By working through the Christ-centered 12 Steps and 8 Recovery Principles with Jesus Christ as our Higher Power, we can and will change. We experience the true peace and serenity we have been seeking when we admit that we are powerless and when we give our lives and our wills over to the care of God. We begin to replace old behaviors with healthy ones. We learn to avoid triggers and crossover addictions by recognizing them and turning them over to our Higher Power. We commit to sexual sobriety one day at a time. We find true freedom as we accept God’s standards for our sexuality, allow God access to our thought life, and cooperate with Him as He changes our belief system.
Sexual Addiction for Women
